And why, pray, shouldn't I be confident?

The joy of an early doors run

22.10.2014
Day 191

It was sensible of me, last night, to text a keen running buddy and arrange a 7am hills session. Doesn't Hillyfields look lovely in its morning glory? The hills sprints were hard and I puffed, because of the depleted red blood corpuscles (from donating last Friday), but I was happy, for a while. 

When we recovered from each hill at a chatting jog we talked about a mutual acquaintance, of whom I am (ridiculously*) jealous. She's only 30, very pretty, lovely figure, can run a marathon in 2:56 and has a successful career as a lawyer. Has it all, right? She's reserved though, and seems less than friendly. I put that down to the fact that she doesn't really want to be friends with the likes of me, but my friend tells me that in her opinion, this young woman lacks confidence.
I bluster a repost. How on earth can that be, when she has so much? Then, on reflection, why on earth do I feel so confident, when I display no outward signs of success, sporting prowess or physical attractiveness? It's true, no one intimidates me, I make them talk to me and I believe I am worth talking to. I don't have a big shiny job, car, house, or a beautiful face. They don't help me feel confident. I just know, when I am running, I am happy. When I am happy I want to chat. People may seem reserved, or even move away quite quickly to talk to other people, but I never interpret their behaviour as an insult to me. I barge through life, I make friends. I meet existing friends outside or online. And I will keep trying. 
None of the jobs I applied for, or pitches I have made in recent weeks have elicited  a response. More fool them, they've missed a gem. 

* it is ridiculous to be jealous. I have been 30. It was fun. Now I am 51